It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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