I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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