i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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