hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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