you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
