Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
