im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
