I heard we made out
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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