that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
