the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
