Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
