The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
