the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
