There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She even gives head with a lisp.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
