I'm gonna have a badass scar
Only a mothe r could love this liver
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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