Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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