Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
