Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you win again, gameday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
