I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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