Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
