Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Boobs speak an international language.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
