So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
