Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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