i already hear my dad disowning me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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