Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
