i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
