Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
