i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
