I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
