every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
