Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
