Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it hurts more in the daytime
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
