she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
