I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
is that a dick in a sweater?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
