I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
