I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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