Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
