It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
