lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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