No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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