How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
