I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
