Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
