He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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