I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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