Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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