you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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