Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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