Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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