I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
birth control should be required to get into college
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
