he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
