so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
